I held in the urge to push as much as possible but sometimes became so overwhelmed by the need to expel baby, that I would push anyways. I did that pushing/not pushing thing as I ran through the birthing center, as I was strapped into the ambulance, and as I ran through the doors of the hospital. I got to feel Charlie Belle's little squishy toushy a few times before we decided I couldn't squeeze her out (that's how close she was to seeing the world the natural way....kind of blows my mind, that I got to tap her on the bottom a couple hours before I saw her face). The midwife was intermittently pushing on that squishy toushy all the way to the hospital telling me not to push in the moments when I couldn't physically fight it anymore. All parties involved were nervous baby girl wanted to say hello while on the road, I think the EMT guys were sweating profusly as they repeated "I'm not prepared to deliver a breeched baby in the back of my ambulance." They might be thinking twice about impregnating their wives.
When we got to the hospital McDaddy unstrapped me from the stretcher and I went bolting through the hospital doors penguin running like a crazy woman soaking wet, half naked, and pushing (aka grunting and yelling). It didn't take long for them to figure out I was the one with the noncompliant baby and I think it was less then 15 minutes from hitting the doors of the hospital until Charlie Belle was out. The sweaty EMT's were given a hard time for letting me run into the hospital instead of bringing me in on the stretcher, but they said "she just jumped out of the back of the ambulance." I felt like I had super human strength all aimed at getting wherever I needed to be to get the baby out.
The operating room was a blur. Getting into that crouching tiger position you have to be in to get spinal anesthesia almost proved impossible. I was being threatened with general anesthesia and an angel nurse somehow helped me hold the position long enough to jab the needle in my spine (which I don't recall feeling at all). The pain relief I felt in that moment would have been worth giving up soft pretzels and mountain air for the rest of my life. I remember shaking and being so scared they were going to start cutting me open before I was numb. I was asking for McDaddy, who was of course filling out paperwork to make sure they could track us down and hold us accountable for our super pricey baby.
I remember my blood pressure being 70/30's, feeling really weak and shaky, and crying out to God desperate to know that Charlie Belle was ok. It was hard to take a deep breath. I guess I looked pretty rough because McDaddy kept asking if I was ok. When they pulled the little one out McDaddy tried so hard to pretend everything was fine. I guess nobody prepared him for when they said "stand up and see your baby" that, that also meant check out your wife's intestines and your purple kid. It seemed like eternity until we heard a little cry.
December 14, 2010. 4:12pm. 7lb 9oz. 20.5 inches.
She was perfect.
What it looks like when you've been in a pike position in a uterus for a few months
Drugged, exhausted, and blissfully happy.
People always ask, would you do it the same way again? After having a c-section I realized why I wanted to avoid it so badly. I hated being drugged. I hated that if I wasn't drugged, sitting up to feed the little bean was so painful. I hated walking like a 90 year-old woman. I hated feeling helpless when she cried because it took 5 minutes for me to go from the laying to sitting position in bed. I hated that when I coughed I thought a second baby was flying out of my incision. If I had just scheduled the c-section I would have always wondered if it could have been done a different way. Would I want to relive that, h-no. If I had another breeched baby would I attempt a natural delivery, h-no. I am grateful for my experience and the wonderful people that allowed it to happen, but I still can't imagine recovering from the post-traumatic stress enough to want another baby. I am grateful to God for protecting my little girl and for giving us procedures like c-sections that I know save babies lives, I am sad that they are used so much out of convenience and because of unnecessary medical intervention. If I think about it to much I do question if Jesus was whispering or screaming at me and I was ignoring Him. But He knew where and how she would come into the world, He knew her long before I did, and He brought us the most amazing and wonderful gift I could ever imagine. I still can't stop staring at her. I am so thankful. Will I try to avoid a c-section for a future baby I can't imagine having. Certainly.
Steve was stronger and more wonderfully supportive then I could have ever imagined, and we both still shudder when we speak of the experience, but I know both of us believe that if we survived this last year together, we can do anything.
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